The 2007 Economic Census Comes to My House

2008 Story Set

Date April 8, 2008

      I received an envelope today ----
      From the government
      the 2007 Economic Census
      I should say I - as WhitePubs Enterprises, Inc. received an envelope
      First - it is marked in big bold black letters YOUR RESPONSE IS REQUIRED BY LAW
      Due date: February 8, 2008
      This is cool - since I just got this April 5, 2008.
      Below this big bolded text box is an evident add-on
      DUE DATE HAS BEEN CHANGED TO 30 DAYS AFTER RECEIPT
      Good thing!
      I might have been considered late!
      OK - I started to read it.
      Pages and pages worth - even instructions on how to get instructions. Our government assumes that everyone uses the internet.
      1. EMPLOYER IDENTIFICATION NUMBER
      Yes - I have one - for filing the business's taxes. See, now I get to file TWO sets of tax returns.
      2. PHYSICAL LOCATION
      Now I am stumped since I am me and portable and the eBooks are on-line at servers at various companies and the hard-cover books don't count since they no longer pay me royalties. Can we say Internet? Can we say contrator? Vendor? Writer?
      They want to know if I am located within the legal boundaries of a city, town, village, etc. Etc.?
      Well - at any given moment I am. But the business isn't.
      They then want the etc. defined. Borough, Town, City, Village, township, check one
      Sorry - none of the above.
      3. OPERATIONAL STATUS
      In operation of course. I just became a company.
      4. MONTHS IN OPPERATION [sic 2007]
      OK - three
      I am then to report dollars of income (somewhere on the tax form already filed. Ho hum.)
      5. SALES, SHIPMENTS, RECEIPTS or REVENUE
      Didn't we just do that in 4?
      6. Not Applicable
      Well - thank heavens!
      7. EMPLOYMENT AND PAYROLL
      Well - there is me. AND NO ONE ELSE!
      They want my annual payroll. I'd love to know that too.
      There is room for Billions and Millions and Thousands and Dollars.
      Well - the first two boxes are blank.
      They also want my payroll January - March 2007.
      Well - nothing.
      I wasn't a company until October 2007.
      I wasn't a vendor until January 1, 2008.
      8-18 Not Applicable
      Good since I have no idea what these are!
      19 KIND OF BUSINESS OR ACTIVITY
      Nothing matches me
      I AM A WRITER
      I write books - high tech and fiction.
      I contract myself out to companies.
      They don't have a slot for that.
      OK - I am a tech-writing whore and my company is my Pimp.
      Does that help?
      20 CLASS OF CUSTOMER
      Well - I hope high-class!
      Estimate the % of receipts reported in (5) by class of customer.
      Well - for 2007 - it's a business firm
      Opportunix actually - I billed them (via timecards)
      - they in turn billed SanDisk
      21 SUPPORT SERVICES
      I think that's a no (I did not supply support to other establishments of my enterprise-----)
      The cats and the dog have no say.
      Oh yeah if I had done so - we are back to the boxes for billions and millions etc.
      22 DETAIL OF SALES, SHIPMENTS, RECEIPTS or REVENUE
      There are two pages of instructions as to what to put in one line
      I only had income from Opportunix at this time.
      Somewhere in the 3 following pages of lines - there must be a place for misc.
     
      23 and 24 Not Applicable
      Thank heavens!
      25 EXPORTED SERVICES
      NONE!
      26 PERSONNEL BY OCCUPATION
      Oh Good Lord!
      I guess I am all other personnel.
      I am not a Computer Programmer, not a System Engineer, I am "Other computer-related personnel" but I don't think that category fits, I am an Engineer but not for my company, I am technical personnel but not the way they are asking, I am Sales too but they aren't really looking at that, I have no manufacturing or production workers - although I produce the files, so --- by default - I am "All Other" I guess.
      They are also looking at Computer System Integration ---- nope. I need help - I call my son. I don't pay him, either.
      27-29 Not Applicable
      I also have a whole page for "Remarks"
      Oh you do so NOT want to go there!
      30 CERTIFICATION
      Jibberish
      OWNERSHIP OR CONTROL
      I own it and I have the only share of stock and I am not traded and I do not issue stock to anyone.
      I also have no "establishment" so I obviously don't have other ones.
      (If more than one establishment I am to copy this page - one per)
      Then they tell me that this information is important to help the government make decisions.
      I sincerely doubt that!
      They want to know about the Nation's Economy?
      Go to the gas pump.
      There's your economy.
      Can we get the robber-barons out of office now?
     
      I am totally confused by the paperwork - so -
      I have a better idea - I emailed my CPA.
      When he stops laughing------
      I am mailing him the "forms".
     

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